A Stumbling Grace

Been swept up by the storms of life,
Been swept down by the retreats,
Lost my balance in your absence,
Lost my rock, lost my way,
Made a rash move with a tearful eye,
Stood tall though my legs were thin,
And now it comes to this, a stumbling grace,
To this a stumbling grace it comes.

I give thanks for all I've been given,
I try not to question what's taken away,
I remember all the words and moments,
And know what I was blessed to share,
But still it stings like a salted wound,
Still it catches me in the throat,
And now it comes to this a stumbling grace,
To this a stumbling grace it comes.

Pray calm me with your presence Lord,
Send your host to steady the ship,
Drown me with your choir of angels,
For I sense I will lose my grip,
Long is the day and longer the night,
Yet I resign myself to your might,
And so it comes to this a stumbling grace
To this a stumbling grace it comes.

(This poem is about letting go and loss. I watched a TV programme recently where George Michael(!) said 'The world is split in two very different groups of people - those who have experienced a great loss in their lives and those who have not yet reached that point'. I think this is fair. Great loss does change your perspective in a fundamental way. I think this is because great loss shakes your identity to its roots and challenges your sense of security at a profoundly deep level. The best that you feel you can do is to stumble on yet to do this with grace not with anger or with guilt. The stumbling is appropriately human because to not stumble when you experience loss is to be heartless, inauthentic and absurdly strong. The grace is appropriately divine because it is who you are in the midst of your loss that defines your example and your impact on others and your relationship with the higher power who you perceive to have 'taken away' what you valued so highly. The third verse of this poem is the moment of surrender - the tipping point when fighting the pain of loss finally gives way to the truth of our vulnerability and our despair. The point at which we finally, finally ask for help and submit ourselves to a new covenant with that which has a higher power over our lives. For individuals this is a process of weeks, months and years. For whole societies this is a process of months, years and decades. Who knows that for a whole race it could easily take 2,000 years or more :) )